I opened my eyes in the middle of the night and saw you sleeping peacefully. On the side, with your head on the pillow and your hand hanging outside the bed. I sat on the couch across you and stared over you for couple of minutes. You have no idea that while you sleep so quietly, my heart is raving from love for you.

I look at you and I realize that now, my reality is much better than dreams. I can see you, I can feel you, I can touch you and for me there is nothing better than having you so close that I can hear your breath. I know that no matter what tomorrow brings, no one could ever take this moment from me. 

Then you wake up, smile and say:  “Oh, come to bed.”

And I am not sure how my heart is not exploding from happiness. I don’t know if afterlife exists, but if it is real, I am pretty sure my heaven would look exactly like this.

Over the last days, I just kept watching you. How you sleep, how you open your eyes and dislike the taste of the morning hours, how you wear your socks, how you brush your teeth, how you eat, how you move. I witness all of this, and be reassured that everything you are is everything I want.

Living on borrowed time, makes me appreciate the small things more, knowing that life is weird and you never know if we’ll ever see each other again.
I have become very down to earth lately, and I know exactly where I stand. And with both of my feet on the ground, but my head on the clouds, I know where I am and where this can(’t) go. 

You’re a sin. But I know that I won’t ask God for forgiveness, because if it’s about you, I am not ready to walk straight on the Hell’s doors. I am ready to run through them, being convinced that I have had my heaven on earth, every time your lips kissed mine.
Every time I see you, like a fool we promise “forever”, knowing perfectly fine that our “forever” is until the clock strikes and your plane takes off. 

And I am never sure if your plane will land back next time, so here I am, living life on the edge, hoping that when your plane lands on the other side, you will still remember the taste of wine on my mouth. And if I’m selfish enough, I hope that it will never taste the same to you. 

But I know I’m not selfish with you. I guess with you, I learnt that love is never selfish, with you I learnt to wait, and everyone knows I hate waiting. I hate waiting for the buss, for the taxi, for the supermarket lines, for shopping lines and yet, here I am, standing on the line to jump up on your heart. 

And you know I read, however, you have never asked me what’s my favorite book.

Is “Three Comrades by Remarque” , because same as Pati, I believe that waiting is never miserable when you have who to wait for. Waiting is only miserable if you never know what you’re waiting for. 

And I will wait, will wait to see you again, because for me, other hands, other eyes, other lips just doesn’t make sense anymore. 

And I will wait, because nothing ever scares me more than the idea of never seeing you again in my life. 

And I will wait, because I love when I see myself in the mirror getting ready for a date night with you. Half naked on the bedroom floor, with the music on the background, and so excited for picking up the dress, the heels, the perfume. Because when I come down, and see how you look at me, at that first glance, that’s when I know is all worth it. 

When you smile, whisper “gorgeous” as I lean forward to kiss you, and then put your arms on my waist and lead the way. 

And I will wait, because nothing ever makes me more happy than seeing you being the greatest man alive in a room full of people, who all look up to you.

The way you talk,you walk, you dance, you make love… 

You. And all the little things you do. My heart will always love them. 

And I knew I was damned when I firstly met you. But truth be told, even if you bet me million dollars back then, I wouldn’t believed that we would made it this far. 

And you asked me , on our quiet cocktail date- “Where do you think we will be three years from now?” 

I didn’t give an answer out loud…I couldn’t speak my heart.

But I prayed to God, that three years from now, you’ll still love me. You will still think of me fondly. And if it happens that we have parted ways, I hope that while you are sitting outside, at your own comfort, with a cigar and a glass of whiskey, you will think of my naked back and how your fingers touched it. 
You will think of my crazy laugh in that early morning, getting all jealous and not wanting you to go.
You will think, of how my smile was ear-to-ear when on the back of the car, it was just me and you. 

I hope you think of me fondly, and ask yourself that if it’s raining on your city, how is the sky looking over at mine?

But I want you to know, that you’ve given me infinity in numbered days, and that will stay with me for a life-time. So if three years from now, I am still able to kiss your smile, then I’ll know I’ve done something good that God is keeping you in my life.

And if I am not around, I want you to know, that my whiskey is tasting bitter. I have stopped drinking wine. I have promised myself to never go back to Thailand. And I have a closet with all the dresses I have worn on our dates, never daring to wear them on a second time, yet never daring to throw them away.

And if we have parted ways, I don’t care if afterlife exists,  because I promise you- I will have had my hell on earth, every time, I couldn’t kiss you…

©️Fiori D