It’s 6 a.m. and it’s raining outside.
While I am standing barefoot at my balcony, trying to get the best moment of this new day, my sleepless mind is playing games.
Sending me a few months ago, back in the night where I first met you.
Life is crazy , you know? We all want to have that one big love, or that magic season of passion, or a first sight love or , or even worse we all wanna be so gratefully hurt by someone who could make us feel all of the above all at once. We want it. But we’re never prepared for it.
Who could have thought that I would have been a “Cinderella” of the modern time.
Instead of a dress, pants and a jacket.
Instead of heels made of glass, a glass of tequila in my hand…
Now that everything is so quiet outside, in my head I hear it all so loud. The music, the voices of my friends and the scene of when my eyes met yours.
You stood there, dressed in a white shirt , all proud and tall, with a “ear-to-eat” smile then put my guards down immediately.
I knew it. It was you.
And then we danced, and we kissed and I happened to be the lucky “ Cinderella “ not just until midnight.
God knows I’m no Cinderella, and we both know you’re not quite a prince, but still you’re the one who messes up all of my world, repeatedly.
All is so calm now outside , but inside me there is a battle.
I remember that in one of our messages I told you “ you’re in my brain” and I guess that is where it all started. You see, usually my brain fights my heart when something is wrong. (Who the hell decides what’s wrong anyway?!)
But this time, I knew I was lost.
Both, my heart and my brain, chose you within the very seconds of our meeting.
And I saw you, without knowing you.
And I really felt you way before your hands touched my body…
Is all so peaceful out here and it reminds me of you.
You were a home to my soul(still are?).
I loved all of the things that made you- you!
The way you bite your lip in every picture.
The way you drive your car.
The way you eat and drink – how many spoonfuls of coffee once again?
The way you try to plan everything so perfectly because as we say- Devil stays on details. (And oh God, what a Devil you are!)
The way you never forget my favorite food.
The way you never minded walking through the big city streets holding hands.
The excitement on your eyes when you see a gesture of loving you.
The laugh – oh when you laugh with all of your heart.
The glasses that you don’t like to keep.
The way you hug, you kiss, you love.
The taste of it.
I guess it is rainy outside. My tears start falling to make it more complete.
It wasn’t a rainy day that we met.
It was a Hot December night.
You see how funny that is?
A crazy concept. – Hot December Night.
I guess it doesn’t make sense – just like us.
We never made sense.
Love doesn’t make sense.
I don’t wanna make sense if it is about you.
And still , here I am trying to talk sense to myself.
I know we are a past story now-
I know that I am the most impulsive person you will ever meet.
I know that you did a great job keeping up with my hundred personalities(even 47 loved you a lot – feel like saying it now).
And I know life never goes as we want to, or at least how I want to.
And I know we have put each other in a very bad position most of the times …
But I also know that people pass their whole lives wanting to have what we had.
A love that shakes the dust out of their souls.
A crazy click that I am pretty sure happens only once in your life.
And I am glad we had it.
I am hurt we lost it.
And I know that today, after your workout morning routine , after you have kissed your son goodbye, you will drive the car and before the office starts running – you will read this.
And you will think of all of the moments the same way that I do daily. And maybe you would wish , the same as me, that for once timing in life not to be such a bitch.
And then you will remember how you “out-Barnie-d” me. And maybe you will still hope that this doesn’t end here …
Maybe you wish you never met me.
Cause who knows , how many cigars have been wasted on the thoughts of me…

It’s 7 am.
The sky turned grey.
Maybe today, I’m lighting up a cigar. To remind myself that your bad days next to me ,would have still been better than my best days without you!

©️ Fior Dalipi (fiori_d)