Usually they ask me why I don’t let you go.
Little do they know of how happy I have been with you.
Little do they know about how much I used to love life when you were with me.
I was free, wild and happy because I have had my roots on you.
Because I had a home where I could always go in the end of the day.
Because I could go dreaming about other worlds and universes.
I could lose myself in books and songs.
I could be whatever I dreamt to be.
Because in the end you were there to remind me that no matter how I was,
You loved me with all of my flaws.
And you were true to me. And that is what I’m not finding anymore.
That’s why I keep holding on tight with memories of you.
They ask me why I keep always coming back to you.
Little do they know that you knew me better than I know myself.
And when I’m lost, I still want your eyes to look me and calm me and talk me out of anxiety.
Because with you near me, everything was easier.
Not because you told me so , but because I knew that no matter what it was , you loved me.
And when I had you with me, I wanted to be a better person. You inspired me to love myself more. You inspired me to love more everything around me.
I used to read more, I used to laugh more , I used to show myself a little bit more. And I wasn’t afraid to be ugly, I wasn’t afraid to be stupid , I wasn’t afraid to be me.
But since you’re gone, I barely have time to read , I barely have time to laugh and definitely I’m not showing myself.
Since you’re gone, everything around me has changed the colors.
Since you’re gone my whole world has became a little bit darker and people don’t look at me the same.
And if I let go of the memories I have with you , I’d be homeless.
I’d be alone without anyone to go to when my world falls down.
And when they ask me why I don’t let you go , they do not know that is not the fact that I will never love someone like I loved you, but it is because no one will ever love me the way you loved me.
Little do they know that it was you who gave me the light. That it was you who made me feel like I was enough. And maybe for those moments, I was !
I can’t let you go even if I wanted to.
It wouldn’t even be my world if you weren’t in it.
Actually the only goods part I have now, are because you’re still alive within me.
…
I’m not asking you back ,
I’m just not letting you go …
Simply because
I liked me better when I was with you.
©️ Fior Dalipi (fiori_d)
