There comes a time when you realize that the only closure you need is accepting the fact that you deserve better. 

Same as me, I’m pretty sure, also all of you gave way more credit than needed to a person that we valued for what we loved them. Not for what they really were. 
But then it hits. 
As you wake up one morning, sipping your coffee in a cold autumn day- you start realizing that you no longer get excited about them. 

You see them exactly as everyone else saw them. The pain they caused. The lies they told. The broken promises. The lies they made you tell yourself and forced your heart to believe. 

You’re smarter than that, my love!– whisper slowly to yourself and a half-laughter comes out. 

I remember once I read that our hearts will eat a few lies when they are hungry.
And I guess that is a way bigger issue why we eat these lies rather than who is standing in front of us.
It might have been anyone. If you were in a low point in your life – it might have been even the gardener of your house or the hooker you paid to satisfy you last night. 

An unavailable man or woman who was too busy in living double lives. 
A self-absorbed person that was never interested in real you. 
A broken soul that was actually searching for its own redemption in you. 
Or a normal human being who never could have love a person as damaged as you were. 
But fuck it. 

It might have been anyone. And it still wouldn’t matter. Because the reason why you loved and got broken has nothing to do with them. 

Everything is about you. 

When you realize that you loved them because you were not a full self , maybe you’ll realize there was no love at all. 

In one of my therapy session , my therapist asked me to think of how my life would have been if I would be with the person I thought I wanted.
At first I said : Amazing. 
My therapist asked me to think again and remained silent for the next 5 minutes. 
And there I realized for the first time – God no! I wouldn’t really want that. 

So later on, I kept realizing more and more. 
That people, make mistakes. 
But people also make choices. 
For years now I denied that the other person was always making a choice. 
That was my fault for giving them the comfort of making choices. 
And once you do that, once the other knows you are going to be there, no matter what they choose – you’re fucked my friend. 

Because they aren’t the person you love. 
They are just a person you think you love. 

And realizing it- is one of the most shocking experiences. But it won’t happen within minutes. 
Even when people will tell you : this is who they really are. You won’t be able to accept it. Maybe you will but your heart won’t. 
So it takes time. Takes time to process that in reality, you were just a little lost when you met them. And you were feeding your self with the ideas of how a love should be.

Takes time to see it. To have your eyes wide open and accept that : Hey, if they are doing this, is because they chose to do it. 
If they say will call but don’t- is not a matter of being busy. Is a matter of importance. 
If you catch them on a lie- is not because they had no other way. Is because they chose to. 
If you receive mixed signals- is not your fault. 
Take them as a No! People are broken and fuck with other people’s feeling so let them be. Just get out of the way. 

So it will make you frustrated at yourself. But after that it will set you free. 
There are no boundaries anymore. 
And in your heart, you’ll know when is really over. 

And they will know too. 

Because let me tell you, your energy and love is not easily replaceable no matter what you believe. 
They will know – maybe not immediately. Maybe it won’t matter to them. 
But they will know.
They will feel when you stop belonging to them. And believe me when I say- They will get mad. Because now, you removed their power. You are not there anymore so they can choose what to do with you. And even if they would have never chosen you- knowing that you’re not their option anymore- will make them angry. 

Let them be! 
Enjoy your morning coffee. Go out and have a day. 
You’ve officially earned your freedom! 

©️Fior Dalipi(fiori_d)