I have kept staring at the flowers for the past 1 hour. Several time wanted to stand up and do anything, but is Sunday and I told you that I dream to do everything in life but nothing on a rainy Sunday. So here I am, re-counting each and every one of the 100 roses that are placed in the middle of my tiny living room. My own little Rose Garden!

While I was sipping my coffee this morning, noticing how fast out last minutes were passing by, you asked me to promise to write something about us. I silently looked at you and I didn’t make that promise. Because I usually write after things are done. When they are just a memory. But this time, this morning with you, I wasn’t ready to let you go just yet.
And I knew, I knew that if i promised you to write about you, there , while looking into your shining eyes, I would have started sobbing.

“5 more minutes“- I said. And my heart started to increase its beats.
It has been real. It has been way out of my expectations. It has been intense.
I said to you in one of our messages that is hard to pass over 60 hours with someone without faking a smile, or a sad face. But with you was easy.
I didn’t try to hide the broken side of me- the damaged side of me- and while I was sharing the things that have shaped me – you , you didn’t look at me like I was crazy or like I had done something wrong.
You looked at me like you wanted to save me!

While driving to the airport, the reality started to kick in and I knew that I would write about you. About everything you gave me. About every feeling you made me feel.
About a version of myself that I hadn’t seen in forever.
Your presence put me in a better place as soon as I saw you.
You made me feel important. You made me feel I was being listened to. And I was. Because every word I ever said to you, you remembered.
And you looked at me, like I was the only one even in a room full of pretty women.
And you looked through me, and you weren’t afraid to see the dark sides.
You hugged me and I felt that the ugly parts I have always hated about me, maybe they weren’t so bad after all.

You told me I was beautiful and for the very first time I wanted to believe it.
You told me I was magical and I knew right away that it wasn’t me. I was just reflecting your light…

I always believed in the importance of having a calm man by your side. A man who isn’t afraid to handle “hard truths” or to have tough talks. A man who doesn’t scream. A man who is careful enough, patient enough, mature enough, strong enough, romantic enough, adventurous enough… A man who is confident enough to make you feel better about yourself!
A man who accepts when he is wrong. A man who fast-improves when you ask him to do so.
A man that is so happy with himself that he doesn’t need a woman to make him happier but he would choose the one he wants.

And here you were, the embodiment of all my ideal thoughts of a man, and you were standing right in front of me- with me!
You are perfect in this – I told you while holding your hand.
Staring back at me you slowly said : It takes two to tango!
I smiled silently because once again you said the right thing at the right time!

Now tell me, how can this all be just a memory?
How can you look in the eye, someone who gave you something so real, something so great, and be okay with letting them go?

Walking towards the security check , you stopped.
“How much time do I have left?” – you asked me and kissed my forehead.
And I wanted to throw away the phone, all the clocks and watches, and all of the concept of time.
I wanted to say : Stay. But I am not selfish enough I guess.
So “4 more minutes”– I reply. My heart this time dropped its beating rate.
I was trying to put into words some of the feelings that none of my favourite writers hasn’t been able to. So I was foolish to believe that I could.

For the remaining minutes ,
I looked you in the eyes and I just hope you knew….

As your plan took off, my taxi dropped me home!
Four hours later, my doorbell rang.

I am not expecting anyone- thought to myself. As I open the door, a big bouquet of red roses showed up and a skinny guy who delivered them. Politely thanked him, closed the door and read a note :
“Always be you…When you are not mine!”
I sat down and cried…

I knew, I knew in my heart wasn’t going to be easy!
But I also know that You- You are worth every risk!

© Fior Dalipi(fiori_d)